Street Racing.
I went out for the first time in I don't know how long. All new kids, crap cars, scary driving skills. I actually feel car sick. On the way back, I asked Fu Gei to slow down, otherwise I am going to throw up. It's only 2:22am and I was dying to go home to sleep. Has two years changed me so much? Is the age thing a factor. Fu's girlfriend is 16, she's half my age. I like her, she's very chatty. Interesting girl, quit school at 14, worked in sales for two years, "a few thousand dollars a month job," and now she's back in school. Working part time. Trying to get into college. She works door to door sales for PCCW selling broadband, and also as a hostess in some bar. I asked her which one but she wouldn't tell me because she's underage. I said, "Well I am not going to arrest you right?" I asked her what it entailed, like if she was a beer girl, and she said, "no I don't have to wear those really short dresses and boots, Just my normal clothes." I asked her if the customers get frisky, "No, I just sit down and keep them company to have a drink or two, mainly to sell the drinks for the bar, and sometimes they put their arms around me, but i just move, you learn to get away." Interesting. Never even knew that existed. Girls who got paid to make sure the clients keep drinking. "Pui Gau" Literally means, "Acompany drink." We talked about whether or not she will go to college, she said "that's my goal, if i can make it." I tell her it's all about whether you are willing to stick it out, and learn to learn rather than just memorizing. She said, "I am not talented in school." I say there is no such thing as talent, it's all work. I think I am bullshitting, but she's the only one trying something new. I never really know what I am doing there, as I don't even bring my camera anymore. Sometimes I end up like their emotional cheer leader. As I know they don't talk to each other that way, or at least they don't really know much about each other. Like what everyone does.
Actually tonight, both War Gei, and Fu Gei asked me what the hell I do, and I told them I was a writer, and that I do copywriting and some articles and stuff. It's really the first time any of them asked me who the hell I was, how do I know Fai, or anything. I realized I have never been out with them to Shek O or racing, I am just the neighbour. I told them about the film I wanted to do. These guys are far more talkative than the last lot. Of course the last lot were far far more serious with their cars, and their driving. This is a more relaxed group. Maybe because they are new drivers, and the ones I was following before, they were pretty much at the end of their run, quitting not too long after I stopped filming.
Calvin, the hairdresser, was fabulous to talk to. He drives an evol. Old one, I still have no idea what is a good car and what is a new car and which is old or what, because I learnt whatever shell is outside means absolutely nothing. It's all what's done to them, and that's a secret between your crew in some ways. I thought his car was the nicest and he said it wasn't because nothing was modified. He's 33. He's the oldest of the lot now, and he told me that he used to drive si men cars, as in respectble cars, and that he's only gotten into this about four months ago. Just that after a while, he's done everything in Hong Kong has to offer and then he settled down and suddenly he wants some excitment again. We talked about the relative merits of each driver. War Gei, being the newest and bad, Fai being the best and the fastest, lai being crazy, Fu gei being the new Lai because he doesn't give a shit about death. War is the smoothest driver, but he's calmed down and Calvin is like, "I am the worse, the slowest, with the crappiest car as you see i am always the last." He also said his car was floating as it's so light. I agree, I really thought I would throw up at some point, but i didn't want to be rude. Because he already knows he's a bad driver. He told me his girlfriend made him promise to only drive a hundred dollars worth of cash, and go home. Joey is a little scary, I have to admit. When I borrowed his jacket he did ask me if I had any perfume on, and i was like, "No." I mean, yeah, I promised if there was any problems I would swear to sort it out. Before I knew all these guys, I would have said the woman is paranoid, after knowing them. I would say it's possibly justified paranoia.He kept saying that he drove crazier but he's calmed down, and that really he doesn't want to die. And I was like, "Why would you want to die just having a good time? Doesn't seem worth it."
Here is what I realized tonight, is actually of everyone there, I had done this the longest. not the driver but been in the scene. funny thought, when I am sitting there explaining why fai is the best driver because he is afraid of death and he is afraid of killing people so he actually works on his skills, why Lai, is not afraid of death nor is he afraid of people just wings it no matter what. And he pushes the car to insane limits. How Fu is scary as hell because he just goes no matter what, never dependent on the road and never dependent on the surroundings, takes risks that one shouldn't, and his car is so shitty. His last car is even worse. (I really need to ask for the model numbers, even if I am not intersted everyone else is.) I was complaining to Calvin how Fu pushes and War Gei pushes their cars to over the limits, when it's starts shaking and the engines are burning, and it hurts the car and makes it so dangerous because things just might go. While 9 and Bowie and Bong, they never ever did that, as they loved their cars, and they had a bit of money, they would simply add something new, slowly work their car up to speed, then when that hits the limit, add something else, and slowly improve their speed, through testing and trying out new things. Those guys were real drivers and car fanatics. Much more into model numbers and each piece of modification. The new kids, more about speed and thrill and coolnes I think. I wonder if it's just the cycle of racing, or that they are different. Then again they are far more social as people. Then again, maybe I know how better to speak to them now.
As I was talking about the merits and reasons for each driver's skill and attitude, I thought, How did I get this good? I guess the break completely allowed me to digest all those subtle things and put them all together. Oh and there were No Blocks in Shek O tonight. For the first time in the racing career I did not see any cops, did not see any cop cars. That is really abnormal.
Pretty quiet in general. There were some kids that came in Daddy's Benz, and went off and smoked some pot on the beach and came back giggling, as well as some older people on motor bikes, a car or two. After the Benz went the boys decided to chase him, and they actually caught up. No real reason, I guess for fun. But on the way in we say this insane crew of Toyotas levins, eight of them going in. Plus a few other hondas thrown in, I could hear myself go, "That's so many cars." and wanting them to turn straight back. War Gei had to go pick up his girlfriend. Fu didn't have any money left, so we all pitched in twenty for him, and I changed cars into Calvins, they all got gas, and the remaining two cars went back into Shek O only on the way back to see some of the stragler Honda's on the side, just parked. We kept going and was met with the Levins. They passed us going the other way. So fast, I could hear them past wooo wooo wooo wooo right by my ear. I looked at the black and green paint, darknend windows and these guys looked mysterious,. I wondered if any of them were the old crew, or were they still that mysterious crew I had seen before. There was just something about their configuration, all one right after the other, at speeds beyond usual, as I could just hear it and see them past, that whoever they are, they are serious and they are close. Actually I am pretty sure they are the same crew of before because everytime I came across them there was just this feeling you get. Kinda like seeing black knights or something. I never feel that with the other kids. We can pretty much see how slow and not interesting they are.
After that we headed in Tai Tam, because that's where big calvin was supposedly. So we went chasing. That was when I was really really car sick. New roads as in Calvin has never drove them, and I have never been with them. When we got to the resevoir bridge, I said, "This is the bridge where the car flipped." and C replied, "Yes, went right in the water." "I always wondered how that happenned, but you know he just went so fast that the impact flipped the car." We slowed down, or at least there was a taxi there so we slowed down.
Tonight I had two close calls, when War drove Wai Gei's car. We went right into the other lane and there were three cars coming once, the other time was a bus. You know, if it was the other crew we would all be dead. 190 km against 120 km full front collision. There is no surviving it. I still remember the time we came out of Big Wave Bay, and 9 mistepped and the mini bus came, the horns were blaring. Luckily if I recall correctly bebe, and 9's other son wasn't in with us. I don't know how I can say, "I am okay" after that, because I wasn't really. I always did that, even in college when the guys were just being idiots, like the time Nick was crazed and trying to get to the rave where we couldn't find it and on the way to breakfast he somehow spun his jeep, and he said, "are you okay?" and I said, "You didn't kill me did you?" he said, "No, nothing happenned." and I said, "Yeah, I am okay then, can you try not to kill me? I don't want to die."
I am just not normal. That's what it is. You know, here I am at 30 wearing a knitted top and carrying a black leather bag, going street racing. I mean, Tracy was saying how I looked so different today, like a mature woman of some kind, and I said, "it's the new me. I am going to look like this every day from now on so I don't accidently go out with 24 years olds ever again." and what to I do on the way home? I see one car pass me, I see the other car slow down and it's War Gei, and i ask him where he is going and he says, "Shek o" and I look at him with big eyes, and a smile and he said, "Do you want to come?" and I said, "yeah, I do." he said, "get in, come on." and I was like.. "Err. I have to work tomorrow, you won't be too late right?" and he grimace and I realized that was a stupid question, and I went anyway, because I really want my film.
Actually when War Gei drove me, we had a good chat. I asked him how job search was going and he said, "Trying" hes applying a job as a driver in Cathy. I guess that's good because it's a proper company. I asked him if he really wanted to be a driver, and he said "Yes." so I said, "You know you can be a sales girl in Mong kok and you can be a sales girl in central. I always say, make sure you got a central job." and he went and said, "That's true. I should try for better companies because they have benifits." I thought about hotel jobs, I mean there are always drivers in hotels aren't there? I ask him really has he thought about the future, and he said, he wanted to be a driver for a rich boss, driving a Benz. I suggested he goes to the places those guys hang out, ask them how they do it, offer to take over if they ever need a day off, and just not be afraid to make a fool of himself because the worse thing is he's got contacts. I don't think he will be brave enough. But you know War Gei comes from a good family, he told me he doesn't have to help support them, he lives on Bonham road. It's strange to me his goal in life is to be a driver of a boss, so he can drive a Benz. it's like, come on kiddo.. I said he should go back to school. But he's got too much bills, to run a car, so he has to get a job, and i said, "You have to go to school War Gei" and he said, "Maybe I want to learn English." I was like, "That's good, if you do you can drive the gweilos around and that gives you an edge." He kept asking me for a good half hour if english is easy to learn and I kept telling him it is. Just turn on the TV and listen to it every day, it will somehow be in the subconcious. I was like, "As long as you know the 26 letters you are good." he kept asking me how and if he could do it, and I was pretty sure anyone could.
After we parked at Sai Wan Ho, to pick up War and also meet Fu, calvin I got in the car and said I would teach him. he was really serious. I asked him what he wanted to learn, his answer, "To speak." Okay.. then I thought, shit do I really have the skills to teach an adult? I know how to teach kids, because I help them with homework, or give them cool books to read and bribe them with pokamon cards, but war is in his 20s. And I hate teaching English, but hell, if he wants to learn, i am going to do it. I really feel bad his business closed down. He was trying so hard.
I always wonder how this film will turn out, if it will. Then I think whatever happens, I learnt and saw a completely different side of the world. One that is less than 100 feet from where I live but i would never otherwise understand it, which i do, now. Tracy I have to make this film because it shows the true hong kong, and not the stupid triad films or romantic films or that glamourous expat life. this is to the bone true. And it is. I asked War if mike really stole something from him and he said, "Yes." and never mentioned it again. I used to think he had my respect for not bitching but it finally occurred to be, it's also out of guilt. He did not good things, and he called the cops on a friend. It made me want to call Mike and see how things are going. I thought about how Mike promised to tell me his life story as a triad, as his confession to selling crack to pregnant women to alleviate all his guilt and fucked up shit he went through and did. Maybe I should because I know he knows what I was trying to do, and if he sits down and tells me everything, he knows I will use it, and I have full permission. But am I ready to be sucked back in? I am not sick anymore, so I won't freak out. It's a lot of work I put into this over the years, and to walk away seems crazy too. Like those green and black cars, seem mysterious to me, all the cars seems mysterious to the passer bys on the road. So much has past. I don't even have the same friends anymore. yet they are still here.
Oh, and here tonight I heard it again, that thing, that one thing they all say, this time from Fu. "I am in control." It started with his girlfriend asking him if he would come on a school trip to Ocrean park with her and he said he wouldn't and he wasn't going to ride the roller coaster. She kept pushing him and he said, "No I am scared." and I was like, "WHAT? You cannot be scared of roller coasters, you are a street racer!" and he said, "yeah, but I don't want to turn around, upside down, I might fall out." "But it won't, there are safety precautions." "But what about that once??" "But it's on a track. You can't die. you can die street racing. That's scary. That's dangerous!" "No, because I can't stop a roller coaster. I have full control of my car. If I don't feel comfortable, if I feel something is wrong, I can slow down. I can stop. I see what and where."
I heard it from every single one of them before, but it still seems ridiculous to me that you would drive cars at breakneck speed and be afraid of roller coasters." I look at Fu. He won't eat anything, prawns, clams, I can't remember what, just a bunch of stuff. He said he was scared of something else too, and I can't really fathom a boy like that, can ever ever ever be a street racer. Is that something to do with control? Like when your live is out of it, you try and find it elsewhere? Like abusive people try to find it in their loved ones and street racers, find it in their cars. But that train of thought is completely consistent, every one of the serious guys have said that. Reliant on one self. Control.
I also realised that this group of men do not have a hireachy, unlike 9's. Their girlfriends are friends with each other, as well as me, unlike 9's. Interesting the dynamics are so different. These guys look up to Fai, where the other lot fai is their mechanic. And outside of War, who has known Fai for seven years, these guys eyes don't light up as much as bowie's ever did when he looked at his car. Actually these guys seem nicer, poorer but nicer. Actually less involved in the triads than Mike, 9, Lai, Alex.. Actually 9 has business with Lai... so yeah. I asked where Lai is. he doesn't come out anymore they tell me. He's working with his dad. And it's a lot more pleasent without him around. No one yelling at me. They swear a lot less. Calvin asked me if he swore a lot and if I minded, I said, "As long as you don't say that to me it's fine!" And I thougth of the night of my very very very first blog entry, which was June 30th 2003, where Lai just laid into me, when 9 had a minor crash and I was filming them trying to fix the car. And I didn't listen to him telling me to stop filming and how that really blew up, and I sulked for months, as I have never had people speak to me that way in my life and I probably will never have anyone speak to me that way again.
Tonight we talked a lot about death. A lot. We never talk about it usually. Not before, not with those guys. I don't know. It started out with me asking War Gei what Kwok did for a living, and he said, he made grave stones, and I said, "well, that's one business that you never want to need, you don't really want to help your friend out." We laugh. I hope that's not because we all smell it today. Like something warning or whatever. I keep saying I don't believe in ghosts and curses, premonition and the other side. I keep saying it over and over although deep down I still do. gary used to talk about it a lot. Coz he said all his favorite guys who he raced with were dead and there was no point racing anymore, as he no longer had any opponents. People always think it's a race, and I tell them they don't race and they seem dissapponted, like it's a bunch of guys driving around, but it's like golf, you beat yourself, and you have people who you start out with and you start having a hierachy, that you understand, it's like you know who is the best, who can do this and who can do that. And who is good. I don't know, it's all in the minds of those you race with, your crew, your posse and I guess we start to know about other crews too, because people did come up to us and ask if anyone of us were Lai, because his reputation preceeded him. And how when asked, all the guys laughed and said they weren't, they were not close to being that good. And how everyone defers to fai's driving. like a myth. Like they ask me and ask War what it was like, how he drove, what it's like to be in his car, and I tell them, and I tell them about 9 too, like, "Did you know them." and they say, "yes." and I am thinking, even if they don't know him, they do now, and it's like a verbal myth and urban legend, like the Car God, like i know who he is, I saw his video, I know he went to jail for street racing but it's actually the way the govenment got him because they never had any of evidence for all his other activities. Truly is he that good? I have never seen it, but he is a myth. No one really knows what he is like because at most, he just passes you by for that second. And it vanishes. talking about vanishing we never did meet up with Calvin coz by the time we ended up in deep water bay, he's gone again, to Central. Reminded me how at some point in college I realized chasing the party was always a bad idea, coz by the time you get there, everyone had moved on and the party ended.
Today, I heard again that Fai is better than Lai, that he was completely crazy when he had his purple sabaru, and how his turns are unbeatable, and there I was sitting watching War tell it to the guys as we were sitting and it was like they were mesmerized, actually i was mesmerised too, in my mind seeing him in his sabaru, because I had seen photos from a magazine, and I had heard other stories too. And it is all myths, I was never in his car before.... but i was once.. actually I have been in everyone of their cars, I have sat in all of their cars.. which is actually a bit of a privilage really as no one else ever gets to, they drive their own or they ride with their friends or boyfriends. I guess that's the whole observer thing.
