Novel Writing
As I write, I learnt something about humanity. With the exception of those who are extremely self aware and cautious, everyone else simply acts without too much thought or planning. A smile or a frown is passing, a conversation doesn’t start with any other motivation but to pass the time. During speech, people answer without hidden agenda -in fact are mostly involved in their own thoughts despite trying to give equal attention to others, not only to be polite but out of respect. No one succeeds.
It is true that at times people may withhold their thoughts or want to protect themselves or intend to hurt but after those few sentences and minutes there is no long term 5 year plan.
So why do we think over what someone said, or what we said or how they said it when most of the time it has no deep meaning at all?
I discovered this because I often wonder why my character said something or did something. Repeatedly I would sit and stare at a wall or my son, think during brushing my teeth, zone out in the car, wondering why? Then I finally came to realize they didn’t know either. They were conflicted, like everyone else, because my characters are human.
My characters fall in and out of love. In and out of like. At times they are disappointed by each other. They are also disappointing. They make hard choices such as dancing through an injury that may cause further damage or giving up a role they dreamed off for many years. They have to decide to sacrifice their reputation or steal someone’s moment. Cruelty is spewed onto a person they love and love is bestowed on someone who cannot decide if they crave for the person to love them or wish they did not, feeling both -often in the same moment.
Not one of those people meant to when their behavior or words crushed someone else’s spirit and neither did they purposely choose to fall in love. No matter what you say or do, play games or not, if someone likes you, they simply do. They forgive the stupid and sometimes horrible comments, overlook spilt ice water that soaked their clothes. All the agonizing of whether one should call, not call, when to call, what to say. Play coy, take charge, one can behave exactingly accurate accordingly to an expert -it will still never make another person fall in love.
Two of my main characters have a lot to negotiate. Their work schedules, their world view, their friends and lifestyle, the size of their pay checks and where they live. Despite seemingly in other minds a ballet dancer and a banker should make a couple with great cultural capital and power, their lives had to learn to mesh.
People asked, “then why did they fall in love?” I spent hours wondering the same thing, how to explain it away. I could never tell. It bothered me as I rested, it worried me while I made salmon rice. Sometimes I could feel my neck hurt just over the fear that I was writing a book about two people who fall in love but I didn’t know why.
‘What was different about them? What was the same? Was it how he smiled or that she was shy? That they liked the same movie? I know they thought of each other when they were separately in their homes, but what made them choose to be together, rather than keep their distance?’
Then today, it struck me that they don’t know either. It just is. They fell in love. They didn’t sit up for hours wondering why, they didn’t feel the need to tell that to others. It was just a feeling that this person was worth the effort to be with. So why should I try to qualify love? I don’t ask my friends to explain their relationships to me and I would never expect them to. So I can’t. I can’t tell anyone why Isabella and Allan decided to be together, and the reasons behind the actions that hurt each other nor why they salved each other.
It doesn’t matter that I do not know. It doesn’t matter in life nor in fiction. The stories just continue by themselves.
