Awaiting a Democratic Hong Kong
Been in bed for three hours now and finally gave up. I went for a walk to the seven eleven down the street and bought myself some Yakult hoping it would feel better. It’s so extraordinarily quiet tonight. Not even passing cars. I was supposed to write about what happened in Hong Kong 15 years ago, how I remembered it, how I was sitting outside Xin Hua News Agency and at about 3am the tanks rolled in, and we could hear the shots reverberating in the tunnel over the radio. But I haven’t been able to because I feel so tired of everything that has happening in Hong Kong over the last year. Just our lost of rights, the encroachment of China, making Hong Kong not Hong Kong anymore. What is there to say? It’s the same thing over and over again. We want to keep our civil rights, free speech, we want to have universal suffrage and our powerful mother land won’t allow it. What’s more to say? I guess I am waiting for Friday.
I wonder how many people will turn up. The numbers always hike when the memorial falls on special dates, the five year anniversary, the ten years anniversary and this year it will be the 15th. It goes up if it falls on a weekend too because people don’t have to work the next day and of course with the events of the last year and the recent events of the last two months, a lot more people will turn up to show their dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. It won’t be as big as July 1st protests of last year I am sure. But it will be bigger than the usual 60 to 100 thousand people. I am not worried about if there would be violence, because we as a people are so peaceful. But I still wait and wonder who is going to turn up and how many of us will show. I hope it’s a lot of people. I hope its more than we can imagine, because since we don’t have the power to have a say, the only way we can stand up is through protests. And I wonder when China will come in and try to take away our right to gathers too.
There were some problems with insurance companies refusing to undersign the Tiananmen Square memorial but I heard while walking pass the star ferry on Sunday that someone did. I wonder which brave company decided to go ahead and do this. It disturbs me how old Seto Wah looks now a days, how even Martin Lee can seem deflated. When the two of them don’t walk proud through their righteousness, it’s so worrying. You wonder what’s really going on behind the scenes. I probably should have picked up the paper but I get so irate reading it that I have long since given up. Sometimes I buy it when important news comes up, but I never get pass the first page. I don’t even want to know anymore. If it wasn’t for Glutter, I probably would have long since not bothered, but as I log all the events, I know that it will eventually become a database of all what has been happening in Hong Kong in regards to our rights, over time, it will be a useful resource for myself and others some day.
I can’t really believe I can’t sleep because the world doesn’t stop just because these larger, thought events happen. I still go out for dinner and hang out with my friends. I still want to buy some new clothes every so often, try on shoes, write articles on things other than China. I watch movies, and talk on the phone. I call up friends to ask them questions like “What is the M25 motorway?” “How do I spell Gilded Youth in French?” Coz we don’t talk politics with each other. I rather spend the down time, social time thinking of other things and forget that maybe one day, we won’t be able to protest, that I won’t be able to write on this blog anymore. I mean the truth is my day to day life won’t change one iota if everything that I hold dear goes away. I feel deflated too. Maybe that’s what it means to live under a totalitarian regime. You feel DEFLATED. It’s so bothersome that those thought are better not to be had. To ignore things that doesn’t concern you directly in the most personal and intimate ways. Don’t bother with politics, don’t bother with ideas. Just go, make money, make a living, buy things, forget and not remember that those who have power over you don’t want you to think.
Tomorrow is June 3rd, the next day is June 4th. Maybe another few hundred thousand people will gather in Victoria Park, and we will hold a candle light vigil for all the people who died and went to jail over the 1989 democratic movement, because no one else in China can, and maybe we can make us heard just a little bit more than usual, maybe then I will feel energetic again. Maybe then I will be willing to continue to think because I know so many other people also want to too.